Have you ever felt yourself in an exhausting groove of things not working in a relationship? For me, it feels as if the other person and I have gone round and round endlessly in this unsatisfying dynamic with each other. I want it to stop and my solution is that the other person needs to change.
Truth be known, I am the one that better do some changing. Looking honestly at one particular relationship, I can see that I have been rather negative about this person, challenging her and creating uncomfortable moments. I can justify that by saying that she’s got a problem rushing ahead and not paying attention to me or the group. She makes decisions that will serve her without thinking of others. There is some truth to that, but only a little. To improve the situation, I need to stop finding what is wrong with her and notice how I am being with her.
It seems so much easier to not take responsibility, doesn’t it? However, it is so unproductive. It won’t be helpful to shift the blame to the other shoulder either. Blaming others or ourselves is deceptive, evasive and destructive. It draws us away from the truth.
Instead, we need to be clear and honest with ourselves about our contribution. We need to put blame down once and for all and plant ourselves in the magic of connecting heart-to-heart.
It’s a little humorous to think that on any particular day, in any particular situation, we have different outlooks and feelings influenced by thoughts we have and conclusions we make. In order to create better relationships, we need to be more aware of incremental moments, our assessments, judgments but most of all how we are being in our own heart.
Who needs you to be more honest, kind and loving?
How would life and your relationships feel if you were blame-free?